Tuesday, October 13, 2009

A Brainstorm


(from the BC thread "Armageddon revisited")

I just had a brainstorm.

Pause, whenever I hear that phrase I inspect the room for evidence that Joe Biden may be speaking.

We are adopting a European style administration that has a somewhat flexible view of constitutional strictures and an infinite appetite to redistribute and skim off wealth. Meanwhile the real Europeans are abolishing their heritages of national sovereignty and subsuming themselves in a rapacious collective administration that seeks to be subsidized by America, even as it criticizes us. The make deals with a hostile Russia that demands entry into Nato and the EU just to embarrass us and extract side payments. Clearly we have failed to control this process, so here is my proposal. We should join it. The US should demand admission to the new EU, and invite the Russians to join also. We should remember the wisdom of Sir Humphrey Appleby on why the UK joined the then EC.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Minister, Britain has had The same foreign policy objective for at least The last 500 years: to create a disunited Europe. In that cause we have fought with The Dutch against The Spanish, with The Germans against The French, with The French and Italians against The Germans, and with The French against The Germans and Italians. Divide and rule, you see. Why should we change now, when its worked so well?
James Hacker: Thats all ancient history, surely.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes, and current policy. We had to break The whole thing up, so we had to get inside. We tried to break it up from The outside, but that wouldnt work. Now that were inside we can make a complete pigs breakfast of The whole thing: set The Germans against The French, The French against The Italians, The Italians against The Dutch. The Foreign Office is terribly pleased; its just like old times.
James Hacker: Surely were all committed to The European ideal.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Really, Minister. [laughs]
James Hacker: If not, why are we pushing for an increase in The membership?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Well, for The same reason. Its just like The United Nations, in fact. The more members it has, The more arguments it can stir up. The more futile and impotent it becomes.
James Hacker: What appalling cynicism.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes. We call it diplomacy, Minister.

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